"One of the best things about visiting home
is the return to the ‘constants’ in life.
With everything up in the air in a whirlwind of variables,
home possesses consistency,
and reminds me what’s real and important.
So it’s even more jarring
when big changes happen at home.
Reveals, it’s not the same; it can’t be.
But that’s progress.”
I hate when sexism, misogyny, racism, and homophobia comes from people you trust, love, and admire personally. Like family members or significant others or close friends.
To me that cuts deeper than some random yahoo on the Internet or some gross, white politician or TV personality.
It’s when it hits close to home where you feel that shit.
This is one of those obligatory end/beginning of the year posts, sort of. I meant to write earlier and much more often over break but sigh, this shall sum up my thoughts on this upcoming year. Shame on my laziness ;__;
Anyways, I can’t really say 2013 was better or worse than any other years. There were definitely good times filled with laughter and just the experience of becoming closer with friends and family, but there were moments where I felt really alone or lost for various reasons.
One thing though, is that I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I do a lot of things not because I want to, but because that’s what I think I should do. Not being able to distinguish between passion and obligation, is what I think to have led me to have these mediocre feelings when I reflect on 2013. I don’t necessarily see this a a bad thing though; even though I don’t really know what makes me really yet, I know what doesn’t. That’s a start isn’t it? Heh.
I also learned that I’m too coward. I can recall many moments, this year especially — where I have not allowed myself to give 100% for lame reasons, probably just out of my own fear to fail, which have resulted into one of those that “could have been’s”. Sadly this really was the theme of 2013 for me. That job opportunity, that class, that one guy — and that feeling of being rejected just sucks ball man, especially since I know it’s totally on me.
Not to be on a roll with all these negative qualities about myself, but do I not know what to do with my life or is this just the typical sophomore slump…
So basically, I look forward to giving 100% and going beyond the mediocrity in 2014.
Other than that, I’ll just let the year 2014 do its thing; and hope that I will eventually find my niche along the process. I’m not aiming for perfection, but effort. I want to finish off my second year strong — and as always grow as a person, learn new things, not only meet new people but really get to know my existing friends. I want to learn how to be both selfish and selfless, in terms of doing what I like to do and also reminding myself that I have to reciprocate other people’s contributions and efforts — my friends and my family, they are the reason to what could be a great year.
As always, aiming to write, photograph, and film more since those things never fail to make me happy.
Let 2014 be a year of nourishment for the soul, health, filled with good food, good vibes, and travels.
I wish the best for others as well